We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
