I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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