i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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