I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
