David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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