You're completely useless in the revolution.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
