Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
