it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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