This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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