Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
