Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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