So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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