He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
