I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
