i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
tell me about the fingering
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