Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
