I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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