The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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