i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
