I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
