threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All the doctor said was why
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
