I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
