My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
third nipple confirmed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
my liver is dry heaving
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
