yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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