My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
