somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i drank out of a bidet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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