How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
