I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
