ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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