Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
