Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
