Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
