dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
