While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
