just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
