P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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