Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
