i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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