I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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