when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
