He told me they were just razor bumps!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize