anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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