I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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