Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
