did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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