forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
