Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
