As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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