my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
