New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
