I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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