I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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