it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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