ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
