I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
