We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
