I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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