I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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