My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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