Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
