i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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