I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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