Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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