The maid of honor just puked.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
