you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
