people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
