Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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