Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
