exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
