the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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