Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
