My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize