I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
