Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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