Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
