3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
