We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
