As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
