Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
