this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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