so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
