I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
