i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
