butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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