Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
