Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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