where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
