Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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