There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
