Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
