Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize