you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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