my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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