Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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