fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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