she was so not down for the gang bang
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
