i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize