We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
