hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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