he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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