Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found puke in my bra..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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